Dive Deeper

If they commit to something and then inevitably get confronted by fear …. they’ll often want to give up and get out of coaching. They start to see the coaching as the problem, and can get frustrated with the coach and want out.

That’s normal. And we invite it.

It’s important to have the mindset that whatever problems show up within the coaching are welcomed. Embraced. Because they’re exactly the same patterns they’ll have outside of coaching. We want these problems to show up, so we can work with them. If we never trigger these patterns during the coaching relationship, we can’t work with them.

It’s also important to call this out at the beginning of the coaching relationship — in your first paid session, go over agreements with them, including the agreement to stay in the coaching relationship even when they want out (especially then!), and to bring any problems up with you so that you can discuss it. Call out in that agreement that it’s often the case that people will get confronted and want out.

Then … when your client comes to you with the problem they have with your coaching, see it as an opportunity:

1. Really work on getting them — hear them, empathize with them, really get how this is for them and how it makes sense from their perspective. Make them feel like you get them.
2. Take responsibility for anything you might have done: if you were unclear, if you were frustrating in some way, etc. Without taking blame or guilt or wrongness. Let them feel like you’re taking responsibility.
3. Once you’ve done those two things … you can invite them to take a look at what’s come up for them. Is this the only time they’ve felt this way, or has it shown up in other places in their lives?

In this way, the problem they have with your coaching can become an opportunity to distinguish their relationship to something that has long been a problem for them. Which is a huge gift!

NEXT: How do we deal with breakdowns?